Immersed as I am in a Women’s Mysteries Tradition, I am often asked “what is out there like this for the men in our lives?” — and indeed, for all who seek similar empowerment among men dedicated to reclaiming what it means to “be a man.” With all of the work that we do as women to re-sanctify our lives, to reclaim the sacred worth of “women’s work”, and to recover a sense of sisterhood — rather than distrust and competition — with other women, in some ways, I think men almost have it worse. It is one thing to know that your gender has been repressed and marginalized — there is a clear path through that dark valley — we know the way that leads to empowerment and freedom. It is another thing altogether to live in a cocoon of Western male privilege, having and wielding great power, and yet it is the power of illusion — when in reality, men in our society have been almost subliminally damaged by our culture; and the tragedy of it is, most of them won’t ever come to realize it – and even fewer will do something about it.
Look at all of the day-to-day language which supports this tainted concept of the ideals of manhood. Boys are taught to “man up!” … that “big boys don’t cry” … to “grow some balls” … to “not be a sissy” … and countless other paeans to the virtues of macho masculinity. You see, men have been taught that to be a “real man” they cannot express their feelings, or be sensitive to the thoughts and emotions of others. They are supposed to live a testosterone-fueled life, ready to fight or compete, lest they be belittled for acting “like a girl” (oh, the horror!). Consciousness surrounding the damage that this causes in the male psyche has grown, at least in my lifetime, and there has been some progressive parenting that addresses the way to raise boys in a more centered fashion. As the mother of a boy and girl both, I have always let them lead me to their interests: my girl loved Bob the Builder Toys, my boy wants his toe nails painted. Gender roles are a deep and powerful subject, and too big for the purpose of this blog today … But what of the men who are already grown, and whose desire for red sparkly nail polish was beaten out of them as a child? Who has learned to repress his tears — along with the rest of his emotions? Who has learned that being nurturing is the equivalent of being weak? What of these men? What is the true nature of the empowered man — who finds his power from within, rather than in holding power over others?
In the late 80’s and early 90’s, there was the beginnings of the Men’s Movement; many authors and workshops spoke about reclaiming Sacred Masculinity, and men started gathering in men’s groups, many inspired by the works of Robert Bly and Sam Keene. The movement seems to have sputtered out, sadly (although, I would love to know otherwise! Please share your resources in the comments), probably in part because of the mainstream bashing of men going out into the woods together to read “Iron John” and have drum circles.
I am a woman. I cannot speak to the deep, psychological needs of men — nor should I. All I can offer those who inquire of me “what about the men?” is a resource list — and a hope that the Male Mysteries will become a movement once more and continue to grow. The reading list I am sharing here is one that I have compiled over the years, and is about 10 years out of date; any groups, books, websites or resources in support of this kind of work are gladly solicited and I will share them here as well.
A Male Mysteries Book List (in no particular order):
- Iron John, by Robert Bly
- A Circle of Men, by Bill Kauth
- The Magician Within, by Moore and Gillette
- The Lover Within, by Moore and Gillette
- The Warrior Within, by Moore and Gillette
- King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, by Moore and Gillette
- Men and the Water of Life: Initiation and the Tempering of Men, by Michael Meade
- Fire in the Belly, by Sam Keene
- Faces of the Enemy, by Sam Keene
- HisStory, by Nicholas Mann
- The Dark God: Exploring the Male Shadow, by Marcia Stavick
- The Flowering Rod, by Kenny Klein
- Earth God Rising, by Alan Richardson
- To Be a Man, by Keith Thompson
- At My Father’s Wedding: Reclaiming Our True Masculinity, by John Lee
- Men and Friendship, by Stewart Millar
- In the Company of Men, by Marvin Allen